The day was hot and the sunlight burned the top layer of skin on my uncovered body. I was about to take off on something that I did ritually. There was no reason for my running; no straight-forward knowledge as to why I chose to push my body through the rolling hills of Allegany County with nothing but a watch, a water bottle, and a pair of old Nike running shoes that have seen better days.
“I’m going for a run,” I shouted through the screen door to my mother who had been doing laundry.
“When will you be back?” She asked eagerly.
“I’m not sure,” and just like that I was gone, off the old wooden porch that my father had built twenty years earlier. “There’s a point in everyone’s life where they realize their true identity. Where they understand who they are as a person and what God has given the opportunity to become.”
I ran through the mud, through the trees, the chilly creek water for what I did not know, but for the feeling that arose when I had stopped. The energy I felt was like no other. Why? The question popped up nearly every time I took off on a run. I didn’t have an answer. Nobody had the answer. I just pushed it aside and told myself not to wonder why but rather imagine how. People would drive by with the most puzzled looks on their face. It was 90 degrees out, the windows were up, the air conditioners were cranked to the max, and the sunglasses were on the faces of all. Me on the other hand, I was outside, no shirt, no air conditioner or ice in my lemonade, no; I was running. For what reason, I didn’t know, but I liked it. It was my drug; my freedom and peace. It was something nobody could take away from me. It wasn’t an object that I cherished, it wasn’t a present from a family member, it was a gift from God, and it was something that he wanted me to do whole-heartedly. He knew me better than anyone else, and it was He that told me to run.
Too many times I felt weak, too many times I told myself it just wasn’t far enough or fast enough. I was neither right, nor wrong. I often wondered why was I doing this? Everyone else was inside their homes watching their flat screen televisions and eating dinner. They were laughing at pointless sitcoms and crude humor that the television stations aired for them. No, not me; I was on the move. Putting one leg in front of the other, pounding the earth with my aching soles. What was I running from? Nothing. What was it that made me choose to beat my body for hours a day? Well, I wasn’t entirely sure of that either, but I liked it. I liked the pain and the feeling that I was fully alive. Never in my life had I ever felt this alive like I did when I laced up my shoes and took off. There was nothing that mattered to me while I ran. Time stood still, my problems were flushed down the drain, and my cell phone was turned off and slipped into the drawer by my bedside. For once, communication with the rest of civilization didn’t matter to me. I was freed from the conforming world known as society. How did one simple thing keep me at my equilibrium? I didn’t have the answer, but I didn’t need it. I was running.
“Mom I’m back from my run,” I coughed as I entered the house, dripping sweat on the cold tile floor.
“How far did you go?” She asked excitedly.
“Ten miles.”
“Ten miles?”
“Yes Mom, ten miles. With a 1 and a 0.” I ensured sarcastically. Like that our conversation ended and dinner was served. I ate as much as I could and thanked her for the delicious meal. I was ready for bed and it was only 7:00 pm. I guess that’s what happens when you decide to run that much in a single day I thought to myself. Even though I felt the pain from the common shin splints or the burning sensation that occurred every time I walked up the stairs of my high school, I knew it was worth it; maybe not at the time, but I knew that whatever it was that I was pushing for, my pain wouldn’t be denied in the end.
From simply jogging in gym class to running as far as I possibly could without fainting, I found joy. The joy came from the ideas that entered my head as I was out on the road, the trail, or the track. My mind was clear and my tensions were released through the rush of endorphins throughout my blood stream. The worrying of finishing a major project or the stress from agonizing whether or not you were accepted into the college that you’ve been dreaming about for months, even years; running cured it. I ran through the streams where the trout rested, I ran through the woods, through the mud with nothing on my mind. Why? Because I knew that nothing mattered. I knew that the only explanation for what I was doing was God’s reason for me. The questions were answered. I wasn’t asking myself what I was doing anymore. I now knew why I was running. I was running because it’s what He wanted me to do. For all I know and for all I believe; He was right.
